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A few one-liners
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<blockquote data-quote="dig deep" data-source="post: 1017477" data-attributes="member: 196054"><p><strong>♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure he was hitting on me.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!</strong></p><p> </p><p><strong>♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> ♦ Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dig deep, post: 1017477, member: 196054"] [B]♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?[/B] [B]♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.[/B] [B]♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.[/B] [B]♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.[/B] [B]♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?[/B] [B]♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.[/B] [B]♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.[/B] [B]♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.[/B] [B]♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.[/B] [B]♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.[/B] [B]♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.[/B] [B]♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”[/B] [B]♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure he was hitting on me.[/B] [B]♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.[/B] [B]♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.[/B] [B]♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.[/B] [B]♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.[/B] [B]♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch![/B] [B]♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.[/B] [B] ♦ Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.[/B] [/QUOTE]
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A few one-liners
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