- Joined
- Nov 18, 2004
- Messages
- 24,010
- Reaction score
- 4,024
- Points
- 113
- Age
- 70
- My Satellite Setup
- Has gone to a good home elsewhere
- My Location
- Blackburn, Lancashire
Some of these are as old as the hills however, none of us are getting younger only greyer
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child? "asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts," "this is her husband!"
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A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you
put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?"he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies," "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If
they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat..
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbour, a man and said:
"Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having s_x.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child? "asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts," "this is her husband!"
-------------------------------------------------------
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------------------------------
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you
put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife
asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------
A blond man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?"he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies," "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde man replies: "If
they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat..
--------------------------------------
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blond neighbour, a man and said:
"Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having s_x.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.