man on a plane

WHATAGOAL1

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A man boarded an aeroplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat.

As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.
 

WHATAGOAL1

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The Liverpool manager, Kenny Dalglish, flies to Kabul to watch a young
Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player
to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes
left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he
goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes and wins the
game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players and the coach
are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her
about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we
were 2 - 0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me.'

'Just wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day …

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed
and assaulted, she would have been raped but for a passing police
vehicle. Your brother has joined a local gang of looters and set fire
to some buildings and all while you tell me that you were having a
great time!!'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum,

'It's your fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'
 
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