Old timers

[Topper]

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?

And that, my friend, is the definition of "OLD"


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I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that

make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia. have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. but, thank God,

I still have my driver's license.

~ ~ ~

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

~ ~ ~

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

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THE SENILITY PRAYER:

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fitinto the same size socks I wore in high school.