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Wavey's Jokes Corner (May contain nuts)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
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<blockquote data-quote="T_G" data-source="post: 513774" data-attributes="member: 175083"><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was mature content! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is mature content. And if you eat that chicken, you will become mature content too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be able to let the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish a life long dream of crossing the road.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of "Chicken". This is a new platform much more stable and will never</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">cra...#@&&^(C% - - - reboot</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">BILL CLINTON: I dd not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">AL GORE: I invented the chicken</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff">RolfW: I only believe it crossed the road If I see it through a flying pigs eye</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="T_G, post: 513774, member: 175083"] [COLOR=#000000][SIZE=4][COLOR=#0000ff]OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me....... DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was mature content! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is mature content. And if you eat that chicken, you will become mature content too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be able to let the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish a life long dream of crossing the road. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of "Chicken". This is a new platform much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% - - - reboot ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I dd not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens. RolfW: I only believe it crossed the road If I see it through a flying pigs eye [/COLOR][/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
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